I’m Callum, I’m 20, and I’m scared of food.

Okay so maybe the title of this post is a little misleading, but all shall be explained very shortly!

Essentially I wanted to start a blog where I could detail my upcoming foray into Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, which I’m hoping will enable me to overcome my lifelong battle with ARFID.

“What is ARFID?” I hear you ask. Well according to an online definition,

“Avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID), also previously known as selective eating disorder (SED), is a type of eating disorder, as well as feeding disorder, where the consumption of certain foods is limited based on the food’s appearance, smell, taste, texture, brand, presentation, or a past negative experience with the food.”

Until the age of 19 I had no idea that my weird ‘fussy’ eating habits were an actual diagnose-able condition. Since accidentally stumbling onto this Wikipedia definition after an incident where eating pees made me cry (more on that later), I have tried to figure out a way to cure myself of what I now know to be ARFID.

This has not been easy because information on this disorder is sparse online. Hence this blog will be for anyone who, like me, desperately wants answers and wants to feel like they’re not alone in this.

Before I go on it has to be said that I have an amazing family, boyfriend, and network of close friends who have grown to accept and cope with my aversion to most foods, and for that I am truly grateful; however, and this is not for a lack of trying, they cannot fully understand what it’s like to live a life governed by what you eat, or why I am this way.

There are times when I feel so ridiculously stupid, low, and alone because I cannot wilfully eat what I want, where I want, and when I want. I know it’s a clichรฉ, but if I can make at least one person feel less self-conscious, or less alone in this, then this blog will have achieved its purpose.

I am sure there will be negativity from certain people who don’t believe that this is a real eating disorder. I have been called a fussy eater in my lifetime far too many times to count, even by medical professionals, and I don’t doubt that that will continue to happen for the foreseeable future. This is okay. There are millions of afflictions that people all over the world deal with everyday. No one person can understand them all, or care about them all, so if you are not the intended audience for this blog, then feel free to move along and find something else to read.

As I mentioned earlier, I am about to begin CBT next month (10.07.2017) , which my local Mental health & Wellbeing service believe may be the first step in helping me to overcome my condition.

The terms ‘condition’ and ‘eating disorder’ are so morbid and dramatic, so I apologise in advance for their probable overuse in the future. For the moment I can think of no other suitable way to describe what I’m dealing with here so bare with! I don’t want this to become a mopey, depressing place either, so hopefully some more lighter writing will ensue soon. Also I’m an acting student, not a journalist, so if you do end up reading this stuff, good luck to you because it’s not going to be nicely structured, or well written in any way shape or form I’d imagine. Sue me.

~Callum ๐Ÿ™‚

27/06/2017

Next article:ย The safe word is: Potato

 

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4 thoughts on “I’m Callum, I’m 20, and I’m scared of food.

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  1. Hi Callum you might already be aware of this now but Felix Economakis is someone whose got a lot of experience in helping resolve people’s issues with SED/ARFID. He has also got a closed Facebook group by the name of “Selective Eating Disorder SED/ARFID Support Group” a lot of us on there understand what the other person is going through ๐Ÿ™‚ hope you’re doing well – Sarah x

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    1. Hi Sarah! Yes I’m already aware and actually a part of the support group ๐Ÿ™‚ I have been in contact with Felix and intend to visit him if my CBT therapy sessions don’t work out.

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